Lifeaholics Anonymous

Once they let their defenses down and get to know me.

-Peter Drucker.
Dont know who that guy is as I havent seen his wiki yet. But damn if that aint something paul Graham would say. 

What does that mean to us??   Accountability.

San Diego is turning into visitor hell. Its such a fantasy land to people who dont live here.  I love being able to share it with those not fortunate to reside here when they visit.  But lately its becoming harder and harder.   At first I really liked having visitors, when it was all new to me to.  “Sure, come on out. We’ll party every night and explore the city and go nuts. It will be a great time. ”   And thats pretty much how it went down.

But now having been here for two years, the novelty has worn off to some degree.  The city is becoming my home and feeling like a man fresh out of prison is no longer how I would describe my psyche. 

This brings up an interesting conflict whenever someone comes to visit now.   On one hand the mandate of the lifeaholic demand maximizing potential. But one someone does visit you it is obligatory to reciprocate and show them a good time.  The question is how far do you go to cater for your guests?   For me the answer is not far.  We need to strike a balance between what you think and what I think is going to be a good time.  Hanging out at the college bars, partying all night,  etc. is cool but now we are over it and the city has a lot else to offer.

Next time you go visit someone keep in mind that you are invading their life and taking them out of their comfort zone to some degree.  Make it clear that there are things you would like to do and see while you are there, but its totally unfair of you to expect them to want to do and see the same things just because you are visiting.   Respect eachothers needs and you’ll both have a great time. 

One of the great things about football is the meritocracy of the team.  There are only 53 roster spots and basically they all only go about 2-3 deep.  So if you are going to make the team, you need to prove year after year that you deserve your job.  There are very few, if any companies that are run that efficiently. Certainly the front offices arent run in nearly as cutthroat fashion as the actual teams are because its harder to quantify their performance.

One good thing about being a lifeaholic is you meet lots of people all the time.  Now keeping a job and staying fit doesnt leave a whole lot of free time so you need be selective about who you spend your time with.   It may seem harsh but we dont really believe in loyalty for no reasons. I never understood why people want to be in a group and just do whatever the group does.   We like to keep different groups of people in our lives for different purposes. You have your people who you go out with, people who you date, people who you do activities with and etc.   Its almost impossible to find one group of people who are going to do what you want to do all the time.

So I never feel bad about splitting away from a group and doing my own thing. Its got nothing to do with not wanting to spend time with that group of people, its about maximizing the potential for that period of time. Float on.

because most of the time its never going to happen.  Instead of wishing for things, set high expectations and meet them.   You are who you are and you cant change all that much.  Nor can you expect other people to change.   So as bad as you may wish for something to be, know that wishes are just that and focus on whats attainable and realistic instead.  Because chasing dreams is going to lead to nothing but emptyness and disappiontment.

yes, i miss her

What a stupid question to ask of a child.  Maybe 0.01% of the population gets to do as adults what they wanted to when they were kids.  Kids are stupid anyway and don’t know what they want.  And since we all change our motivations, goals, desires etc as we get older, the point is moot.  

What do you want to do right now?  Thats what you should be asking anyone. We all have our talents and our limitations. The challenge is to leverage that into something that is going to afford you enough time to pursue your passion.  Of course we would all like to do some thing that we love and get paid for it.  But how many of us really know what we love?  Does every pro athlete love their sport? Hell no or they wouldnt get paid so much.  Does every actor love theater? Hell no.    What they do love about their job is that it is enabling them to do the things they truly do love, usually lots of drugs. 

No one wants to work. Of course we’d all rather be pursuing other interests.  Lifeaholics must make the most of what we have.  I recently began working from home, and let me tell you its fantastic.  Not because I sit around in my underwear all day, but because it means I can be alone and get down to business, which I actually really enjoy. 

My point is dont ever settle in your career.  Continue to make your professional sitaution work for you until you are sacrificing as little of your happiness as possible. 

As fun as being carefree may be, realize that there is a greater purpose out there.  Once it makes itself clear to you pursue to it to the fullest, because lifeaholism is all about getting the most out of opportunities.   Similarly, do not make situations out to be more than they are.   Right now I am coming to grips with a situation where I wanted to make things out to be more than they really were. This is just going to lead to disappointment, rule 2 means keeping a clear mind and listening to your gut.

Because once you give your heart away, its damn near impossible to get it back.

I’ve never met a friends girlfriend that liked me.  NEVER. No matter how cool they thought I was, no matter how well we got along, no matter what.  The reason?  Lifeaholism is a huge threat to their concept of relationships. 

Almost every woman wants to be the one in control in a relationship.  They want the man to chase them, they want the man to drive them around-take them out to eat-buy them gifts.   I have no problem with any of that and actually believe in being chivalrous - to a point.  That point is where that kind of behavior is RECIPROCATED.   I believe in equality and following the golden rule.  But why do these girlfriends expect to be treated like royalty if they don’t want to their man the same way?   Storybooks, movies, gossip etc leads them to this misconception of what they think they want in a relationship.

Apply this thinking to any other relationships you have.  If someone at work always wanted you to do their work for them and wouldnt do any for you, would you do it?  (If you said “yes if its my boss” then you should seek another job).  If one of your boys was always drinking your beer and never buying any, would you call him up to hang out?  Why do guys treat women any different?  If you said because they are insecure and scared of being alone, you are partially correct.  Additionally most guys are just as confused about what they want from relationships for the same reasons as women are!  I think the same rules should be applied to ALL relationships.  Treat people as well as you can, but always respect them and respect yourself.

So whenever one of my friends girlfriends meet me they immediately see that I am going to be in a POWER BALANCE in my relationships (controlling them is so boring and unfulfilling).  Then they say “well if I let my man hang out with this guy, I’m not going to be able to walk all over him.”  Well guess what ladies, that princess treatment is eventually going to get old. And before you know it you will looking for attention from someone else.  We all need to be with someone who we RESPECTand are attracted to.   Because no one wants to have someone walk all over them.  When lifeaholics are hanging around, we’re doing you a favor because lifeaholism is all about freedom and self-expression.  So ask yourself, do I want a shell of this guy I like or do I want to see what hes really like.  The sooner you find out, the sooner you’ll know if there is real potential.  And guys, your woman will thank you later when she realizes how much more she is attracted to you when you stop acting like a WUSS and start expressing yourself.

Why cant relationships be part time?   Everything else in life is only part time.  You go to your job, and when you leave its over.  You have your family right, but your not concerned with them all the time unless something is seriously wrong.   Lifeaholics are not about worrying about things that dont affect them at the present time, whats the point?

Not everyone is built or ready for a full time commitment.  Gemini’s especially, its in our blood.  I tried it when I found someone I really liked. And you know what happened? We broke up not because of any particular problem with our personalities, but because its so confining.  Why do i need to tell you everything I’m doing? Why are you on my mind all the time when we arent together?  Its not liberating and lifeaholics need freedom.

This is too funny. Please watch to the end to see the second guy